A Long Journey

Hello, loyal readers.

It's been a long time since we last corresponded. We've been playing hard to get.

Please consider the following story. On Jan 3rd, the roommates and I made an examination of an obviously ill Andy. Andrew diagnosed hemorrhoids. I diagnosed a hernia. Jon suggested that Andy was suffering from a tumor of the liver. Andy himself, consulting our medical manuals, correctly found that it was, in fact, a combination of all three. Andrew and I were devastated. Jon made a joke connecting hemorrhoids and Andy's mom.

The next day, the four of us hopped on Jon's Harley. Jon drove, decked in leather. Andrew clung to Jon's back. I rode in the sidecar, carrying Andy, who was lying on his back in my arms, moaning from the painful pressure I was placing on his hemorrhoids. Jon knew of a great hospital in Pennsylvania, and it seemed like a wonderful opportunity for a road trip. Brash, excited, filled with wonder, and in searing pain, respectively, we headed down Highway 52 on our way to Scranton.

Incredibly, our plans soon went awry. Fifteen miles from Northfield, Andy contracted a nasty case of diphtheria. I moved my face as far from him as I could to avoid contagion, which was difficult, since he was cradled in my arms. Then, just as we were motoring through Rochester, Jon's hog began to sputter violently.

"Awwh, Christ, the gradient converter driveshaft manual output valve is on the flux again!" shouted Jon.

"ahhh, yes, the gradient converter driveshaft manual output valve" noted Andrew knowingly.

"UGGGHH CHRIST THIS HERNIA" added a belligerent Andy loudly.

"Stop shouting, Andy. We're right here."

Jon carried us and his motorcycle all the way to Tilson's auto shop over by the Kmart. I had recommended it. Andy was complaining annoyingly about his medical problems, so I suggested the Mayo Clinic, a local greatest medical complex in the country. We hitched a ride over to the clinic and dropped off Andy, who was treated in Sports Medicine, the ER, the cancer center, and the respiratory illnesses center simultaneously.

While in Rochester, we visited my house, where we played Boggle for hours. The next day, Tilson's called, and then the doctors called. The motorcycle was ready, and Andy had recovered from his illnesses. Unfortunately, the treatment had required the amputation and replacement of his liver, lungs, and groin. The doctors informed us that Andy had passed the necessary 10% metallic components threshold, and was now officially a cyborg.

We picked up Andy, who informed us that he had taken the cyborg name DevatronX1350, and anyone to call him "Andy" would receive nasty treatment courtesy of his new "Megaliver Fire Breath". This was a real downer, and we decided to cut our trip short and head home rather than continue on to Scranton. We all had class on Monday anyways. Since then, we've been too absorbed in fervent studying and avoiding a moody Devatron to post to this blog.

We hope you'll accept our apology.